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Talking very directly about sex, what we like and don’t like can make us feel uncomfortable, even with a partner we’ve been with for a long time and otherwise feel close to, says Parrott. But it’s the only way to achieve a satisfying sexual relationship.
“A woman must take responsibility for her sexual encounter,” says Westheimer. “No man can bring a woman to orgasm if she doesn’t take responsibility for her sexual experience. Even the best lover can’t know what she needs without her letting him know.”
The good news, according to Fisher, is that men very much want to please women.
“If you can tell them in a way that doesn’t kill their ego, they will appreciate it,” says Fisher. She advises women to sandwich what they don’t like in between five things they do, because he’s listening. “You won’t find out until the next time you’re in bed with him. But men do listen, particularly if you’re quite clear about it.”
After a couple has been together for a while, it’s natural to want to spice things up with a little variety. Just because your man wants to try something new doesn’t mean he’s unhappy with you or your sex life. In short: Don’t take it personally.
Still, it’s important that you tune into your comfort zone says Parrott.
“Nobody should ever feel obligated to do something they don’t want to do in the personal and intimate area of sexuality,” Parrott says. “If your man asks you about trying something that’s outside of your morals, make it clear that it’s off limits for you and explain why. Of course, do this in a loving way as best you can. If it is something that is not really a moral issue for you but you still don’t want to, again explain why. If it is a simply a startling request and you’re initially uneasy about it, try not to overreact. Instead, let him know you need some time to think about it.”
“It’s amazing what men don’t notice if you’re enthusiastic, energetic, interested in them, and flexible minded.”
According to Fisher, there is an evolutionary explanation for the selective blindness men show to our physical flaws. For Darwinian reasons, says Fisher, men are (unconsciously, of course) looking for women who are able to bear healthy babies. Starting millions of years ago, men who attracted fertile women and had a lot of children lived on. Those who couldn’t died out. Although maybe not as necessary today, Fisher says that primal survival mechanism lives on.
“Men are much more attracted to women who show signs of health and youth and fertility. Rather than worry about the shape of your waist and hips, worry about your energy level and enthusiasm and interest in him,” Fisher advises.
Westheimer believes we should all let go of old-fashioned notions, such as women are not sexual or that sex is just sex to men. “For some men, sex is a very important act. Don’t minimize it.”
The research, says Parrott, supports the idea that both men and women find sexual intimacy in the context of a committed relationship to be more satisfying.
“Numerous research studies make it very clear that the people who have the best quality and most frequent sex are married couples. That says a lot about the inadequacies of ‘casual sex,” Parrot says.
In a study being conducted by Fisher and her colleagues of university students engaging in one-night stands, the numbers show that men are just as serious about sex and relationships as women. In fact, more than 50% of women and 52% of men who went into a one-night stand, according to Fisher, reported that they did so hoping to create a longer relationship. One-third of them actually did so. What’s the lesson?
“Never assume that a man is not romantic,” Fisher says. “Two huge mistakes in this culture are that women are not sexual and that men are not as romantic [as women].”
Sure, most teenage boys are ready and willing just about any time you ask, but not true for men. The pressures of everyday life -- family, work, bills -- can zap a man’s libido. This comes as a big surprise to many women, and often his lack of interest in sex is something we take personally.
“It comes as such a shock [to women] that they just don’t believe it,” Fisher says about the reaction many women have when their partner says they aren’t in the mood for sex. “They know themselves that they are not always interested in sex but they still love the man. But when they discover he doesn’t want to have sex, they think, ‘he doesn’t love me.’ Not true. He just doesn’t want to have sex.”
Ladies, be honest: when your sex life becomes a little humdrum, out comes the mental catalogue of all the ways your partner isn’t quite measuring up. Guys tend to get a bad rap when it comes to understanding women’s bodies and what turns us on, making them easy targets in the blame game when sexual satisfaction starts to wane. And sure, they make their fair share of bedroom errors. But as the saying goes, it takes two to tango. As it turns out, top sex and relationship experts say that women make plenty of sex mistakes of their own. Here’s what they have to say about the six most common mistakes women make in the bedroom and what you can do to get the satisfaction you so rightly deserve.
It’s 2009 and still, many of us worry about ladylike behavior. We don’t want to appear pushy or come on too strong for fear of being labeled aggressive. According to Les Parrot, professor of psychology at Seattle Pacific University and author of a new book called Crazy Good Sex, failing to initiate sex is one of the biggest mistakes women make.
“Most guys feel like they are always the initiator and that sets up disequilibrium on the passion scale in the relationship,” he says. Generally, men want to be pursued by their partners just as much as women do.
Holding onto outdated ideas about sex roles also inhibits satisfaction with our sexual relationships, says "Dr. Ruth," aka Ruth Westheimer, PhD, a psychosexual therapist, professor at New York University, and lecturer at Yale and Princeton universities. “They used to think that women are less interested in sexual activity and I don’t want to say that anymore. I think there are women who are as interested in sex [as men].”
Show your interest by taking the first step from time to time. Your partner will likely appreciate it, and you may find a new level of satisfaction in taking responsibility for your sexual experience, something Westheimer feels strongly women must do.
Thinking about how you look during sex stops you from enjoying yourself and ruins your chances of achieving an orgasm.
“Don’t think about the fat on your belly or the makeup on your face,” advises Westheimer. “Concentrate on the pleasure of the act. You must give yourself permission to have an orgasm.”
“Men want their wives to abandon themselves in sex play, and that’s not likely if she is anxious about her physical concerns,” Parrott says.
Helen Fisher, PhD, a cultural anthropologist at Rutgers University and author of a new book called Why Him, Why Her, says men don’t notice half the things women obsess about anyway.
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Most nonmelanoma skin cancer can be prevented by protecting your skin from the sun and ultraviolet (UV) radiation.
Children and babies should be protected from the sun. You should start protecting your child from the sun when he or she is a baby. Because children and teens spend a lot of time outdoors playing, they get most of their lifetime sun exposure in their first 18 years.
Some people believe that a tan may protect them against a sunburn and skin damage. But the amount of sun exposure needed to get a tan can by itself cause skin damage.
Most nonmelanoma skin cancer can be prevented by protecting your skin from the sun and ultraviolet (UV) radiation.
Children and babies should be protected from the sun. You should start protecting your child from the sun when he or she is a baby. Because children and teens spend a lot of time outdoors playing, they get most of their lifetime sun exposure in their first 18 years.
Some people believe that a tan may protect them against a sunburn and skin damage. But the amount of sun exposure needed to get a tan can by itself cause skin damage.
Most nonmelanoma skin cancer can be prevented by protecting your skin from the sun and ultraviolet (UV) radiation.
Children and babies should be protected from the sun. You should start protecting your child from the sun when he or she is a baby. Because children and teens spend a lot of time outdoors playing, they get most of their lifetime sun exposure in their first 18 years.
Some people believe that a tan may protect them against a sunburn and skin damage. But the amount of sun exposure needed to get a tan can by itself cause skin damage.
This topic is about nonmelanoma skin cancer, including basal cell cancer and squamous cell cancer. For information about melanoma skin cancer, see the topic Skin Cancer, Melanoma.
Skin cancer is the abnormal growth of cells in the skin. It is the most common type of cancer. It is almost always cured when it is found early and treated. So it is important to see your doctor if you have changes in your skin.
Most skin cancers are the nonmelanoma type. There are two main types of nonmelanoma skin cancer:
Nonmelanoma skin cancer is usually caused by too much sun. Using tanning beds or sunlamps too much can also cause it.
Skin cancer usually appears as a growth that changes in color, shape, or size. This can be a sore that does not heal or a change in a wart or a mole. These changes usually happen in areas that get the most sun-your head, neck, back, chest, or shoulders. The most common place for skin cancer is your nose.
Your doctor will use a biopsy to find out if you have skin cancer. This means taking a sample of the growth and sending it to a lab to see if it contains cancer cells.
If you have light skin that sunburns easily, you are more likely to get skin cancer.
Your risk is higher if you are male or if you are over 40. Your risk is higher if others in your family have had it or if you have had it before.
You may also be more likely to get it if you have been exposed often to strong X-rays, to certain chemicals (such as arsenic, coal tar, and creosote), or to radioactive substances (such as radium).
Your doctor will want to remove all of the cancer. There are several ways to do this. The most common way is to numb your skin so that it does not hurt, then cut out the cancer. You will be awake while this is done.
This surgery almost always cures nonmelanoma skin cancer.
After your treatment, you will need regular checkups because having skin cancer once means you are more likely to get it again.
Kegel exercises strengthen some of the muscles that control the flow of urine. Doctors often prescribe Kegel exercises for people who have bladder control problems (urinary incontinence).
Kegel exercises are also called pelvic floor exercises because they treat and prevent pelvic floor weakness.1, 2 The pelvic floor is a "hammock" of muscles that hold the pelvic organs in place.
See a picture of the pelvic floor muscles.
In women, Kegel exercises are helpful for those who have stress incontinence or uterine prolapse.
During pregnancy and delivery, the pelvic floor can become stretched and weakened, commonly causing urine control problems for months to years after childbirth. A weakened pelvic floor can also allow one or more pelvic organs to sag (uterine prolapse). If you are pregnant, start doing daily Kegels and continue them after having your baby.
In men, Kegel exercises are used to treat stress incontinence and urge incontinence, a need to urinate that is so strong that you cannot reach the toilet in time.
This topic provides information about cancer of the lining of the uterus (endometrium). This topic focuses on type I endometrial cancer, which is the most common kind.
If you are looking for information about cancer of the cervix, see the topic Cervical Cancer.
Endometrial cancer is the growth of abnormal cells in the lining of the uterus. The lining is called the endometrium. Endometrial cancer is also called cancer of the uterus, or uterine cancer.
Endometrial cancer usually occurs in women older than 50. The good news is that it is usually cured when it is found early. And most of the time, the cancer is found in its earliest stage, before it has spread outside the uterus.
The most common cause of endometrial cancer is having too much of the hormone estrogen compared to the hormone progesterone in the body. This hormone imbalance causes the lining of the uterus to get thicker and thicker. If the lining builds up and stays that way, then cancer cells can start to grow.
Women who have this hormone imbalance over time may be more likely to get endometrial cancer after age 50. This hormone imbalance can happen if a woman:
The most common symptom of endometrial cancer is unexpected (abnormal) bleeding from the vagina after menopause. (If you are taking hormone therapy, some vaginal bleeding is expected.) About 20 out of 100 women who have abnormal bleeding after menopause have endometrial cancer.1 That means that 80 out of 100 women with abnormal bleeding after menopause don't have this cancer.
A woman with advanced endometrial cancer may have other symptoms, such as losing weight without trying.
Endometrial cancer is usually diagnosed with a biopsy. In this test, the doctor removes a small sample of the lining of the uterus to look for cancer cells.
Endometrial cancer in its early stages can be cured. The main treatment is surgery to remove the uterus plus the cervix, ovaries, and fallopian tubes. The doctor will also remove pelvic and aortic lymph nodes to see if the cancer has spread.
A woman whose cancer has spread may also have:
It’s common to feel scared, sad, or angry after finding out that you have endometrial cancer. Talking to others who have had the disease may help you feel better. Ask your doctor about support groups in your area.
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Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) are spread by sexual contact involving the genitals, mouth, or rectum, and can also be spread from a pregnant woman to her fetus before or during delivery. STDs, which affect both men and women, are a worldwide public health concern.
Although most STDs can be cured, some cannot, including HIV (which causes AIDS), genital herpes, and human papillomavirus (HPV), which can cause genital warts.
STDs can be spread by people who don't know they are infected. Always use protection every time you have sex, including oral sex, until you are sure you and your partner are not infected with an STD.
If you are in a relationship, delay having sex until you are physically and emotionally prepared, have agreed to only have sex with each other, and have both been tested for STDs.
Completely avoiding sexual contact (abstinence), including intercourse or oral sex, is the only certain way to prevent an infection.
Discuss STDs before you have sex with someone. Even though a sex partner doesn't have symptoms of an STD, he or she may still be infected.
Questions to ask someone before having sex include:
Some STDs, such as HIV, can take up to 6 months before they can be detected in the blood. Genital herpes and the human papillomavirus (HPV) can be spread when symptoms are not present. Even if you and your partner have been tested, use condoms for all sex until you and your partner haven't had sex with another person for 6 months. Then get tested again.
Renal cell cancer is a disease in which malignant (cancer) cells form in tubules of the kidney.
Renal cell cancer (also called kidney cancer or renal adenocarcinoma) is a disease in which malignant (cancer) cells are found in the lining of tubules (very small tubes) in the kidney. There are 2 kidneys, one on each side of the backbone, above the waist. The tiny tubules in the kidneys filter and clean the blood, taking out waste products and making urine. The urine passes from each kidney into the bladder through a long tube called a ureter. The bladder stores the urine until it is passed from the body.
Cancer that starts in the ureters or the renal pelvis (the part of the kidney that collects urine and drains it to the ureters) is different from renal cell cancer. Refer to the PDQ summary on Transitional Cell Cancer of the Renal Pelvis and Ureter Treatment for more information).
Smoking and misuse of certain pain medicines can affect the risk of developing renal cell cancer.
Risk factors include the following:
Possible signs of renal cell cancer include blood in the urine and a lump in the abdomen.
These and other symptoms may be caused by renal cell cancer. Other conditions may cause the same symptoms. There may be no symptoms in the early stages. Symptoms may appear as the tumor grows. A doctor should be consulted if any of the following problems occur:
Tests that examine the abdomen and kidneys are used to detect (find) and diagnose renal cell cancer.
The following tests and procedures may be used:
Certain factors affect prognosis (chance of recovery) and treatment options.
The prognosis (chance of recovery) and treatment options depend on the following:
A case report shows that cancer cells in an infant genetically match those from her mother; the mother was diagnosed with leukemia shortly after a normal full-term delivery.
Researchers say rare cases of mothers' cancer cells in infants have been reported over the last 100 years, which has suggested the possibility that cancer cells may be passed from mother to infant. But until now it had not been confirmed genetically.
In the case report, published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, researchers used genetic tracking to prove that the cancer cells had been transmitted from mother to infant.
The mother was a 28-year-old woman who was diagnosed with leukemia shortly after giving birth; her 11-month-old daughter developed a similar type of cancer.
Genetic testing showed the infant's cancer cells shared a unique genetic match to her mother's. Special markers in the cancer cells of the infant confirmed they were of maternal origin.
Additional testing showed that the infant's cancer cells lacked a portion of genetic material that would have flagged them as intruder cells and targeted them for elimination by her immune system.
Researcher Takeshi Isoda of Tokyo Medical and Dental University and colleagues say this genetic trait likely enabled the mother's cancer cells to evade the infant's protective placental barrier.